Dating Over 40: Rushing In Can Quickly Lead to Heartbreak

One of my over 40 dating coaching clients just met a nice guy at a singles' dance. They've been on several dates and she's finding herself constantly thinking about him. Unfortunately Barb falls in love quickly. She asked me if I thought it was possible to fall for someone within one week.

Barb yearns to be in a loving relationship and is worried that things might be happening too fast. She's an affectionate person and touches him a lot, rubbing his back, holding his hands, kissing on the lips, cheeks, neck - all public displays of affection. Rob said he doesn't mind, and in fact, claims he likes it. Still, Barb is worried because she doesn't want to come across too strong and ruin everything!

Here's what Barb and I discussed in her dating coaching session:

The good news is that it seems you met a nice guy! Trouble is, there's no way to know for sure in such a short time. When I work with my dating coaching clients, my advice is always the same on this topic - DON'T RUSH. Rushing often leads to a broken heart, especially when you are the type who falls in love quickly.

Intimacy creates a haze that impedes your objectivity This is especially true once you become intimate. For many women, sleeping together, regardless of your age, is a bonding experience based on hormones. It's natural to feel closer. However, you can't be quite sure about this guy yet. Only time can tell if he is a good man, a good fit and a keeper. Having sex is no guarantee that this guy will stick around.

This is another reason I advise women who fall in love quickly to hold off on sex for a while. Once you sleep with him, you will lose your objectivity. You'll be looking at him through a delicious, romantic haze and this is often how red flags get ignored.

Don't smother your new man Please be VERY CAREFUL not to smother your new man. If you hold back a bit, you give him time to come forward to want to touch you. This is so important for the balance of power, and particularly true for the start of a relationship. Do your best to use affection with some restraint or he will feel smothered - I don't care what he says.

Think of this as ballroom dancing where the man leads. If you always reach out first, what's left for the man to do? Initially in a relationship, men want to lead - ALMOST ALL MEN. And if you find one who wants you to lead, he'll annoy you so much later with is complete abdication on all decisions- leaving you 100% in charge of more than you bargained for.

New relationships are fragile My heart goes out to your because I know how fragile the start of a new relationship is. I know changing your ways isn't easy either. But as a dating coach for women over 40, one thing I know is that when you do modify your behavior as I suggest, you will experience better results.

The purpose of dating is to gather data about your partner Give yourself the space to make this possible. Guard your heart and do what you can to not fall too early in the process until he proves himself worthy of your heart. Right now, you actually know very little. Give it a shot to unfold more slowly, even if he pushes to go fast. It's very smart thinking to take things more slowly and will save you heartache in the long run, whether it's with this guy or the next.

I hope he is the right guy for you, but only time will tell. So be smart and slow things down. There's no downside to taking your time. But the upside gives you a clear head to make good decisions about your love life.